It's so strange he referenced Yeats and one of my favorite poems on his site.
The mind is a wonderful thing. You can take a tiny morsel of information, blow it all out of proportion and twist and turn it to suits your needs or desires and before you know it you have a meal.
I've always lived inside my head , it was my escape mechanism as a child and I've never been able to stop. Why would I want to. In my head I am omnipotent. I control everything and in this crazy assed world where we control nothing it's a comfort to me. Of course if you take it too far they lock your ass up so I'll keep it here where it's safe and no one can see.
I write , a lot. However I'm too self conscious for anyone to read what I've written. There's too much of the soft underbelly exposed when I write for anyone to read it.
I mean if you don't bare your soul why bother. That being said I think it would kill me if anyone were to get a glimpse of that soul. The few I've shared with over the years have not understood and always seem to want to make it about them. It's not about them , it's the only thing I really do for me.
Damaged people will never be seen entirely because it's about me and one thing I've learned is that I have to protect me. No one else is going to. No one is coming for me. If you don't put up walls they will destroy you without even realizing what they have done.
By they I mean the collective. I truly believe most people are good at heart. Some have to be shown they are but in the long run I have to believe that good will out. I can't live in a world that thrives on hatred. Love and mercy still exist , you just have to look for it. Sometimes you have to look hard but it's there.
For now I'm content that I have my morsel from John and I know I'll use it today to make my life a little brighter and let's face it , I get off on this guy.
He always leaves me spent and gasping with his intensity. I don't know how he keeps the pace.
I'm not insane , I do realize I don't exists in his world but what's important is that he exists in mine. You have to keep your fantasy life ambiguous e.g. you can't say oh if John Cusack were to write about the song Which Way Your Heart Will Go by Mason Jennings then I would know. You can't keep the fantasy going if you allow rational thinking to be involved.
I'm reminded of a line John Astin had in Night Court when asked if he hadn't been locked up in a mental institution "Oh yes but I'm feeling much better now."
So for now John was talking to me when he quoted Yeats [ that was a little spooky ]
and he sent Billie to sing to me and let me know he was thinking of me.
Today the fog is heavy and I have to hit the road but John and I are together with moonlight and lace and nothing between us but the night. He'll keep me in a state of arousal that he manages to bring out in me I didn't realize I had. He's amazing and can go all day long.
He'll subtly increase the pressure and as it builds it's like the fog engulfs my conscience feelings and I lose myself in him. Scary as hell but it feel great.
By the time I get back tonight , have a long shower , a beer , burn a joint and slip into bed John will come to me in my dreams and fuck me like he's never gonna see me again. That's the way we always leave it because we never know what the next day has in store for us.
Twitter has been more fun that I thought because I can say whatever I want and no one sees it. Kind of like an inside joke. No matter what it keeps my fantasy life with John alive and Keanu's busy working so I'm enjoying the diversion. John and I understand each other. We are too different to have anything but what we do and we are content with that. I'm going to send him Foggy Highway by Renee Geyer if it's on YouTube. I doubt he's heard it and I think he'll get it.
Life is simple , it's just not easy.
You have to pay the price if it's treasure you want to find.
Well I've made my meal of twittaverse and I'm sitting down at the table to enjoy my repast. Have a seat and put your feet under my table if your so inclined. It promises to be a wonderful banquet of dreams that will never be , except here in my world.
Remember , tread softly because you tread upon my dreams.....
Cheers , Amelie
