It's my birthday.
I've spent the day alone ( as usual ) but I'll be truthful , it's the way I prefer it.
Not the actual being alone part but it's better than spending it with others.
My brother called and left a message but I didn't feel like talking to him so I let it go to voicemail. He understands.
See it's his birthday too.
Little known fact , I'm a twin.
I don't like people knowing it because they treat you different.
I don't like it when attention is drawn to me. It makes me self concious and uncomfortable.
As usual my husband went all out.
He called me at lunch to tell me a client wanted him to take him to dinner but he told him he couldn't because it was my birthday.
He gave him this line of bullshit about the big night he had planned for me.
He doesn't. It's just another day but he feels better if he builds himself up in other peoples eyes rather than having them know the truth.
It's always been more important what people think than what's really happening.
He'll come in as usual , plop in the chair in front of the tv and wait for his dinner to be served to him. Oh yeah and another empty promise about how he's going to make it up to me someday.
It bothered me for awhile but now I'm happy he's been such a shit all these years. I'd never be able to leave otherwise.
And believe me I have to leave.
I buried two but this one really loves himself too much for me to have to worry anymore.
I stopped having sex eight years ago on my birthday.
I tied the reminder on my neck and told him to take it or leave it.
I was sick of taking birth control and poisioning my body just so he could fuck me whenever he wanted without any responsibility.
It's not like I enjoyed sex with him anyway.
I never thought he'd hold out this long but I'm fucking tired of never being able to wear nice clothes or anything because I don't want to be accused of tempting him.
I wear a damn jean shirt when I'm having hot flashes just so the bastard can't say I wasn't covered up. I'm in prison and I want out.
Okay enough of that bullshit.
It's my birthday and all I wanted was to spend some time with Keanu.
I made another video.
My present to myself.
I always know what to get me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who gets me.
He'll be here soon so I'm getting off and I'll be back in the middle of the night
It's the only time I have any peace.
Go softly into the darkness of the night , it will help you on your way...
Cheers , Amelie
