I promised myself I wouldn't watch the Colbert interview again.
I did.
I can't be trusted.
Not when it comes to him.
When he came out on stage I literally couldn't breathe.
That's the look I unequivocally love on him.
The only thing that could have surpassed it was if he had been in jeans with a dark button down shirt open down the front and barefoot.
That's how I see him in my most carnal envisions of him.
Jesus Christ I have never known a man to exude sensuality the way he does.
It's on a subconscious level and that's why is so captivating.
The ring on his finger made my heart sink because I know one day it will happen.
He'll give himself to someone and I'll waste away my days in stasis, elegiac for unrequited, unreciprocated and completely oblivious to him, love for a man who only exists in the depths of poignant minds eye.
My dreamscape may shatter.
C'est la vie
I won't be unhappy for him , I want him to find his Isolde and change history so that he can finally posses her.
I won't pretend I won't grieve, I will, but I'll stagger, I think…
After experiencing this wash of emotion I still managed to lock onto the fact that he was wearing his watch turned in.
First of all I haven't seen him wear a watch in some time but he's never turned it in before.
It's how I wear my watch.
It's hard to believe I can take that and turn it into the fervency that overcomes me and sweeps me away into a realm of caprice I can't control.
With anything else I'm a rock, that's what every one who knows me says about me.
They don't know the person who is utterly vulnerable and wholly delusional about a man who's worshipped by millions of women worldwide.
Everybody loves Keanu.
We all think we're different from each other but seen thru his eyes we're all the same.
This bit of rational thought holds no validity the moment I see him.
There's a line in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" when Maggie is longing to touch Brick and he rejects her again. She pensively states
"Why can't you lose your good looks Brick? Most drinking man lose theirs , why can't you? I think you've even gotten better looking since you went on the bottle."
I don't think it would matter , it wouldn't change his voice, his laugh, his body movement.
Like Maggie
"I can't see any man but him , with my eyes closed I just see him."
I think it would be easier for me if I wasn't fully aware of how hopeless a delusion it is but he's been there for me for so long.
Every road trip he's in the seat with me, every shower he's there with me, when my life is going to hell he's the one who takes my hand and pulls me out.
He's been my rock, poor bebe, and he never even knew it.
I think I have the same affliction Maggie had.
Remember when Brick asks Maggie "What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof? "
She purrs and replies "Just staying on it I guess, as long as she can…."
I love the movies, everything resolves itself for the best in the movies.
My life isn't a movie but I have my dreams, no one can take those away from me.
Do you dream ?
Are you alone and in need of solace?
Join me in my alternate world if you have a desire to.
It's not hard, just breathe deeply, relax your body, open your mind and
When you fall asleep tonight, meet you on the other side...
