My imaginary lover began as a therapeutic exercise. I had read an article that stated if you were unhappy with your life to create a new one in your mind. It said to imagine you were in the perfect situation in your own mind. You could be the person you wanted to be , live the life you wanted to live and with the person you wanted to be with. I thought what the hell , I've lived most of my life in my own head anyway so this wasn't a big stretch. The article said to choose someone famous as there would never be the opportunity to meet them but you can get information about them in order to make them more real in your fantasy. Real fantasy, isn't that an oxymoron? So since I love to watch movies [not tv] I decided to use an actor. Where else would you find all the pictures and information on someone? I don't know how they do it. I have far too many skeletons in my cupboard for anyone to go digging too deeply into my existence.
My first imaginary lover was Brendan Fraser. Here in this blog I can admit me secret thoughts so sue me, I love tall men with nice voices. I also must absolutely be with a man who makes me laugh. This relationship didn't last very long , he has blue eyes [ that's another blog] and as he has children that just complicates things. I love children I really do but being involved with someone who has kids is a pain in the ass. I don't have children , not that I didn't want them but I never found someone I thought I would want in my life forever. I don't take having kids lightly , I believe it's a lifetime commitment and not a fucking game or a way to trap a man. So by choice I have no children and I didn't want to be involved with someone who did. Call me selfish I don't care , I've done the step parent route and it fucking sucks. Anyway we had fun for awhile but it didn't last. We still talk every now and then but he's like a close friend now and I think I can trust him.
I tried a few flings with others but they were too one dimensional. I had about given up and was considering getting divorced since my marriage was not what I wanted. It wasn't just him but he pretended to be someone he wasn't then used guilt to keep me from going so I'm not exactly forgiving of him. Anyway this isn't about him, onto Myrtle Beach.
His family had this thing about going to Myrtle Beach for a week every summer. I didn't like his family but I tolerated them. They treated me badly but fuck em I don't have anything to do with them now so they no longer exist for me. Anyway that year I wasn't as bummed as usual since I knew I was going to see Dogstar at the Hard Rock Cafe. It was the only way I agreed to go that year as one of my sister in laws was such a bitch the thought of being trapped in a condo with her for a week was like being in a hillbilly hell.
Well the trip didn't start well as my husband had not bothered to renew his license so he shouldn't be driving yet his brother and girlfriend were fighting so he ended up driving my car with his brother [ his brother can only drive automatics] and I was with his girlfriend trying to breathe. She bathed in perfume. It was enough to make you sick and being trapped in that truck with her was about to kill me. Fortunately I had my own way to kill the smell. Hey I'm going to the beach okay. Anyway I had just finished hitting a joint when we saw these signs about cars being stopped and searched and that it would be at a certain exit a few miles down the road. Well my husband not having a license panicked, nothing new he came from a family of panickers, he pulled off at the next exit which of course is what they wanted you to do. You went down into the exit after topping an incline and since he had pulled off I had no choice but to follow him because I knew he didn't have a license. As soon as you topped the incline you could see them , cop cars with lights flashing everywhere and cars with people who had also pulled off being searched and torn apart. There were dogs and cops everywhere, it was like a movie scene. There was no way out so all you could do was get in line and see what happened.
The cop walked up and he had on that damned mirrored sunglasses and I started to feel a little sick. First he asked why we pulled off and I said just looking for a bathroom ,you know how it goes. Things seemed to be going all right until he saw a tackle box in the back of the truck with stupid girly stickers all over it and asked what it was. When I told him it was her makeup he didn't believe me so I told her to take off her sunglasses so he could see her makeup. He saw her eyes were glassy so he decided to open it and see. Well she had this habit of collecting roaches and sticking them in cigarette packs. I had told not to have anything like that on the road but she had done it anyway. After he saw that I knew he was going to get the dogs so I told him , that's mine and said see they're my brand. He looked at me and said if you've got this many roaches you've got a bag, where is it? He had already searched the truck and I knew they would tear my car apart looking for it, they were doing it to everyone, pulling out the seats and pulling off hubcaps and shit so I told him to wait a minute and went to my car and grabbed my little floral cloth fanny pack I used at the beach. I brought it back to him and said I promise that's it , that's all there is. He said why shouldn't I arrest them pointing at my husband and his brother so I told him it was my car and we had just switched drivers and they didn't even know it was in the car. That was bullshit but I didn't see why we should all get busted. Someone needed to bail me out.
He looked at me and said are you sure you want to do this? I mean I'm not going to lie I'm seeing all these kids and even a car full of elderly black ladies being cuffed and put into cars and taken away but no one else in our little group is speaking up so what was I going to do? When I said yes he said okay come with me then and we started walking down the incline to a group of cop cars. He led me around to the back of a car that the trunk was open on. They had a ton of shit in that trunk pot, pills, guns it was unbelievable.
He looked down at me and said take off your glasses. When I did he took his off and I was relieved because those mirrored sunglasses make me nervous as hell. His voice got real soft and he said why do you want to smoke that shit and mess your eyes up like that. He leaned down and said I can see myself in your eyes. Now normally I'm thinking oh fuck I've got to get away from this guy but shit he's a cop and it wasn't threatening, it was strange but I wasn't scared anymore. He looked concerned not pissed. He opened my bag and the way he lifted the bag I had in there and held it to the light I knew he partied or used to. He whistled and said that's some nice looking weed. He asked where it came from so I said Meigs county and he looked up at me and said I hear they grow some of the best in the country. I laughed and said hey it must be the dirt. He looked in the bag again and held up a few joints out of about fifteen I had rolled before the trip and said all this is for you? I said I'm on vacation, going to the beach and meeting some friends. He said you know you can drink and not get into trouble. I said in all seriousness, you don't know me when I drink. He started laughing his ass off and said well missy I'll tell you the truth , I'd like to know you when you drink, you remind me of a girl I knew in high school. I get this a lot, that I remind men of a girl they knew in school. He wasn't really coming onto me but there was something going on in his head. I wasn't really paying a lot of attention because I was thinking how bad it was going to suck going to jail in little black shorts and a cut off tied dyed tank top and flip flops. I remember desperately wishing I had worn a bra and wondering if I could take my cigarettes with me. I asked him do you know when I'll be able to get out of jail , I know this sounds crazy but I really want to see this band thats' playing in Myrtle beach. He said are you serious , that's what has you worried ? I said well that and the fact that I wish I has on a bra and jeans. He bent over laughing and he finally looked at me and said do you have 380.00 in cash? I said yes sir I do. He said well I'll write you up here and you can pay the fine and go on your way. He stepped in close and held the bag of pot out to me like he was going to give it back and I hesitated because I thought what the fuck. Just about that time a little short cop with acne came bouncing around the car and asked if he needed to get the dogs on my car.
My cop told him no he was writing me up but the little bastard didn't leave just kept hanging around so he had to put the bag in the trunk with the rest. He walked me up to the truck to get my purse so I could pay the fine. I guess he didn't think much of them letting me take the blame because he told them if it wasn't for me saying it was mine they would all be being arrested right now. The way it worked was if no one took the fall they busted whoever was in the car. He told my husband he could arrest him for driving without a license but if I drove he wouldn't bother with it. I think he thought he would make my husband feel indebted to me for that but he didn't know my husband.
He walked me around to the drivers side and then he did the strangest thing, he held out my fanny pack to me and said I hope you enjoy the concert and don't pull off again until you get to the beach. I would never have believed it but he gave me back the joints I had rolled. I got the hell out of there and had to stop at the next exit because I knew my brother would be waiting to find out what happened. He was ahead of us and of course did not stop. We headed on to the beach and you wouldn't think it could get worse but as it turns out it did.
Since this blog is so long I will stop and continue another time.
Cheers, Amelie
