This may be an artist who ran under the radar.
I wore this album out twice.
I still have the vinyl of this.
Don't you miss album covers ?
You used them to clean pot to roll joints and sat and listened to whole albums at a time. Cover art and linear notes.
Good times , good times.
Kids today will never know what I'm talking about but if you're of a certain age and you can see yourself as one of the characters in Dazed and Confused , I was Mila Jovovich , you'll appreciate the stage I'm setting for today.
Yeah that's right , I'm going back again but I need a good memory to keep me going today and I have one that came to me in my dreams.
Maybe that night was a dream , I can't be sure about this one.
I think this was my movie moment but I missed it.
Sometimes living underwater you don't see things clearly.
Usually that was a good thing but not this night.
This one was special.
It was July 1978 , an outdoor party , bonfire , kegs , cars with their lights on so we could see out in the middle of no where and the music blasting so loud and so long and we were so young.
There was a guy there that night I'd never seen before , I found out later neither had anyone else.
He was tall and lean with dark hair and the softest brown eyes I'd ever seen and he asked me to dance.
By the end of this one I was as close to swooning as I've ever been.
It scared the hell out of me.
I don't lose control.
I can't you see.
It's not my way.
He asked me to go with him that night.
I laughed and said where would we go ?
He said he wanted to take me to L.A.
To me at that time in my life it was the end of the earth and I thought he was joking me. He didn't seem real.
I think he might have been the man I needed and I was afraid of it.
I didn't go and I never saw him again.
This is real life and there are no do overs.
Should've , could've , would've.
I had put this away and made it a memory but I'm bringing it back.
It makes me happy and I still feel him leading me into one of my favorite mystery moments.
I'm not going to be sad because it didn't work out , I'm going to be happy because it happened.
Some things are more than a memory.
They become a mind burn. You can't lose them even if you want to.
I'm glad I didn't lose this one.
I can feel his arms around me and he's singing in my ear and it's the most romantic thing that ever happened to me.
Precious.
I should stop watching Rom-Coms because in the movies you always get a second chance to make the right decision or gain redemption.
Real life is well , complicated.
I seem to be revisiting a certain period of my youth.
Before my husband made me feel like everything everyone else does is my fault instead of theirs.
I went to a party in the summer of 78.
There was a guy there I had never met and he asked me to dance.
Normally I wouldn't have but Marc was dancing with someone else and we had already come to an arrangement about not sleeping together anymore a long time back so I did.
This is the song that was playing and he sang softly to me while he held me and danced me around underneath the moonlight and it was one of the moments in my life where it felt like the weight lifted from me.
He asked me to go with him that night but of course I didn't.
I've always been a slave to my fucking ridiculous moral code.
I've always had this weight and there have been just a few times when it lifted and I felt free .
This was one of them. I can count them on one hand.
You know what they say about hind-sight being twenty twenty.
I'm pretty sure looking back I would have left with him that night if I could go back and do it again.
He could have been a serial killer for all I know but for that song back in the summer of 78 he made me feel like I could breath and maybe even fly.
He could have saved me from myself.
That's what I working my way towards now.
I need to be alone and away from the people who won't let me be what I need to be. They don't care about me they only care about what I do for them.
It's my fault too.
This constant need for someone to love me and not finding it.
No father , no grand parents no one to turn to when I needed to be held.
There's a line in Ya Ya Sisterhood when Sandra asks James Gardner if he was loved enough.
Have you ever been loved enough ? I haven't.
I'm going to try to love myself for a little while and see if that can be enough.
I'm the only one I have and no one is coming to rescue me.
I may seem like a sentimental idiot but I'm actually fatalistic.
I know no one is coming.
It's self comfort I offer myself.
Since I was so small I can't remember all I ever heard was how selfish I was , that's what my mother would scream at me while she was beating the shit out of me for not doing whatever it was she wanted done.
It's like coming out of a fog.
I've done it before.
Call it an epiphany if you will but I'm finally getting it.
It's not me , it's them.
Every person in my personal circle is a raging narcissist.
I'm not , I'm the victim they've been using all this time.
I suppose that makes me a masochist.
I'll have to work on that.
I'm not capable of turning my back on people in need and they know that and use it to hold me.
They don't need me , they'll find another victim.
That's what they do.
I gave it all though , it's just my way.
I can't walk away until I'm sure I did all I could.
That's the funny thing about me though , once I do walk away , I'm gone.
I never go back.
It's just my way.
Don't look back...
He must have tried getting into my computers again. The one with everything in it keeps crashing and I don't know why. The last time this happened he had been trying to get into them. I don't have any proof and he would just lie so no point in going into it. I'll take it in and get it fixed when I get paid. I hope they can retrieve my damn pictures. I had over four thousand in it.
I dream of the day when I can leave to go somewhere without someone going thru my things.
Privacy must be a wonderful thing.
Can you imagine not having to keep everything precious to you in your head just so no one will go pawing thru it like it belongs to them ?
I want to , I have a good imagination , it's my salvation.
Cheers , Amelie
