V-Day

Well Mr. Wonderful called to let me know he was taking some clients out and wouldn't be in until late. Of course he waited until it was too late for me to get to do anything but it's such a relief not to have to deal with him tonight it makes it worth it.
So I made some bruschetta , opened a bottle of wine and got out Keanu.

                            I can't edit pics on this computer so these are raw but better than nothing

Maybe next year I'll have a real Valentine's Day again.
My first husband was great at Valentines Day.
He really went all out to make me feel like it was a special day.
Some do , others don't.
I've been hiding for a long time , it's been like I was still in shock even after all these years. I don't think much of the man who used that to hold me in a relationship that so far only he has benefited from.

Don't you just hate that moment when you have to admit to yourself that you got played by someone ?

I think we all know that the only way they could do it was because we let them.
Accountability is hard as hell , that's why so many never do it.
The main problem with V-Day is that my birthday is so close behind and as it will pass unnoticed I'll feel like I don't exist.
At least when I'm living alone it won't be so lonely.
I'm so looking forward to being allowed to have friends again without having to deal with jealousy and insecurity.
Keanu will feel things in Damaged People but he handles it as an adult not a teenage boy. This fantasy has kept me going for a long time and I'm so grateful to Keanu Reeves for playing along and being a good sport.
Now though it's time to stop just getting by.
I pray the housing market turns around by August because I can't do this anymore and he managed to cover all the ready cash using his relatives.
The last time I left it was with the clothes on my back but I worked damn hard for a long time and I'm going to have a stake to leave this time.
Just enough to pay my bills and probably buy a new truck to get me as far away from here as possible.
He gave his ex-wife a lot more than that.
He thinks I won't go if I don't have anything.
I'll still go but I'd rather be able to not have to depend on help from anyone.
I just don't want to live with him anymore.
Whatever happens , happens.

Cheers , Amelie