I discovered something interesting.
Vic called and wanted to know how to find my blog because her computer crashed and she had it on her favorites but now she couldn't find it.
I don't know why but I told her I wasn't doing it anymore.
I said my husband had found it and deleted it so I wasn't going to bother with it anymore.
She hasn't been able to read it since before Christmas so she didn't know about all the Damaged People I put on here. I'm relieved actually because I was always aware she could be reading it and would become self conscious.
Just out of curiosity I logged out of it and tried to find it without logging in.
You can't.
That's so cool.
If I didn't have the url written down I couldn't have gotten back to it.
I'm loving this.
It's always a relief to not feel like your being monitored.
People judge , they can't help it it's in their nature.
God knows I do enough shit people would find objective.
They way I see it though is that I don't have kids , I always supported myself , no one will mourn me when I'm gone so why the hell should I care how they think I should live my life.
People do though , they think if you don't fit their specifications of what you're supposed to be then they can pass judgement even if they don't know a fucking thing about you.
I try not to do this.
You never know what kind of nightmare someones life has been.
It's been my experience that the people who have lived a life of privilege , the ones who should have the most compassion as far as I'm concerned , they're the ones who look down the most.
They're also the ones who are so completely insecure they'll be jealous of those who are less fortunate.
I call it rich kid syndrome. I went to school with them. They never outgrow it.
Then it becomes rich person syndrome.
They have it all money , clothes , parents , houses , cars whatever but they were still completely consumed with jealousy of those who had nothing.
Like if they could run them down it would make them higher on the scale.
They think you buy self esteem , that's why they'll never have it.
I believe I got a wrong number on twitter.
Someone was requesting to follow me but I don't know who they are.
They've probably mistaken me for someone else.
It's happened before or sometimes guys try to hit on you.
I screwed up and answered something about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's divorce and got a lot of unexpected attention. It joined me into some kind of other social network thing that other people saw.
All I said was " Do her a favor and keep it off twitter , some things should be private" Now at that thing I've had people accusing me of being the reason Ashton doesn't tweet much anymore. Like any of these people ever see any of this shit. It's just publicity.
Good Lord do you believe people ?
( Did you ever see Elizabethtown ? Kirsten Dunst says good Lord just the way I do in that movie. I never knew I did it until I heard her. )
Anyway,
I didn't realize until then that when Vic had set up that twitter account she put in my blog address.
Fortunately no one noticed it before I deleted it.
I'm more careful now.
I prefer staying under the radar and out of sight.
It's not like I actually tweet. What the hell would I say ?
Every now and then if the mood is right I'll answer things that others put on there. If they could see it I wouldn't do even that.
Mostly I just keep up with Luna_Mey's photography.
I've had visitors so have been unable to spend any time here and now I find out my step son is coming and staying for a week.
He's nosier than my husband so I will definitely curtail my writing until I have some peace and quiet again.
I so want to be single.
His family is a pain and I'm tired of them.
They kill my creativity as they are such negative people.
The sense of dread is palpable but I reassure myself with the knowledge that this too shall pass and the freedom I have after I get away will never be taken for granted. For now I'll smile and take the bullshit...
Cause come August I'm gone.
Cheers , Amelie
