Sometime tomorrow, I don't know when, I will receive a call from my cousin Vickie. She will call on the land line and leave a message on my answering machine. She will sing Happy Birthday to me and she will probably be drunk when she does it. It is the one constant in my life. A single call every year. She is my favorite cousin. It's a little joke we have between us. We have tons of cousins. My mother had six sisters and four brothers.
We have an oddity in our family, all the first born are girls. Vic and I are six months apart in age, she being the older. I am Pisces and she is Virgo so we got long very well growing up. She's the one who set this blogging site up for me, also my twitter account which I have yet to use. Damn you Bret Domrose and your forcing me to join twitter.
I know she will read this but we have no secrets from each other so I don't feel self conscious they way I would if I knew anyone else was. The best way I know to describe Vic is if you have ever watched ' The New Adventures of the Old Christine' she is Christine and I am Barb. She is blond and blue and I am white but the personalities are a close match. I don't know how many times I've looked at her and said "your nasty" the same way Barb does. She drinks too much and has had her share of bad life experiences, hence some of the drinking but Vickie can make me laugh so hard I pee myself. She is so fucking funny I dare anyone to be in the same room with her and not be laughing. That was one thing about my family, we laughed a lot. Makes it even stranger I married someone so dead inside. I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want to be tied down again but he knew how to play me at the time. Gave me this bullshit about how he had left his wife and child for me. I never asked the bastard to chase after me and beg me to be with him. He promised he would take a job he had been offered in California if I married him. He lied. I wish I had shut the damn door in his face but it's too late now. Besides that is another post.
Back to Vic. Lately I have taken to smoking a cherry rush blunt every now and then. They remind me of when Vic and I used to go to the store for her mother. We would be at my aunts for dinner and they would always need something so Vic and I would go to the store. At the time they had strawberry flavored papers and being kids we used them. There we would be cruising in nannies red Chevy with the top down hitting a joint and drinking a couple of beers before we got back. We would get totally wasted then go back and eat. Then out into the yard for another joint, wash the dishes and it was over. The summer I was fifteen was the only free summer I had . I had broken up with my boyfriend whom I had been dating for four years and I got married that December for the first time and after that there was no escape from men. I had been on my own for a couple of years , I got emancipated when I was thirteen, I was tired of paying my mother everything I made so I got out on my own and for the first and only time in my life I came first. My apartment was always clean and I was only working one job by then so I had spare time. It was the only time of my life I can remember being happy. I fucked up and married Marc at fifteen thinking it would make my life easier, that was what he promised. Instead I spent the next six years paying for a drunk who never worked after the first five months.
Then came Randy and life as I knew it was over. At least with my first husband I didn't have to deal with psychopathic jealousy. Twenty eight years later and here I am with no one to talk to but a damn computer. Beats talking to Randy. I'm working thru this now. I've wanted a divorce for seven years , that's when I cut him off from sex but so far I still can't get the bastard to let go. Most people say well just leave, what the hell but things have occurred in my life to make it a bit more difficult than most to just walk away. I've done that before with disastrous consequences. That is another post however but I do resent the way Randy has used guilt against me so I believe I will address this in the future. Put it away and make it a memory.
I have gotten so far off track I won't try to get back but will end this posting by saying I have a cherry rush blunt calling me and I'll have a beer and think of Vic and try not to laugh...
Cheers, Amelie
