You can't meditate if you're in a state of arousal.
I guess I never tried it before last night.
I wasn't about to get out my cards and read them.
You can convince yourself of things if you're not in the right frame of mind reading Tarot cards.
One of the feng shui exercises I have to do is to find a picture of myself where I'm happy.
It was harder to do than I thought , I had to go back to the summer of 76.
It was my last year free before getting married in December.
My first husband took a lot of pictures of me.
He really liked taking pictures of me.
I address this in Damaged People.
My husband now likes having his picture taken.
There aren't very many pictures of me past 1983.
I'm always the one behind the camera , hiding in the bushes and generally bothering everyone until they get used to it and start to ignore me.
I have some pictures from 1976 I'm going to put on here , for one thing because these old Polaroids are going to fade and crack away and I already had one computer crash and lose all my pictures. I have a blog photo album here so they'll be safe from prying eyes.
One of my husband's favorite past times is mucking up my memories if he gets a chance.
These are from the summer of 76 , the first is from New Years Eve of that year. It was taken in my first apartment.
I'd been living there about a year and a half by then.
Little did I know that would be the last place I would have to myself. That was a really hot summer. It was my favorite summer so far. I'm hoping not to die without changing that.
In the movies they always get saved.
In real life , well ya never know now do ya.
The last one was taken December 18 , 1976 , the morning after my first wedding. Marc bought me the negligee. I loved it.
Flash forward almost forty years later...
This room has secrets but you'd never know.
It looks normal but the educated eye can see the secrets.
You'll have to read Damaged People to find what mystery this room holds.
It's my favorite room. I stained all the furniture and woodwork and did the walls. I love the way this room changes colors with the light. The paint looks darker when they are shadows on it and lighter when the light is on it. It's a really soothing effect because I can always get the light I want in this room.
I like doing things with my hands.
You know me , I like to touch.
No one comes in here but me and I only let the cats in every now and then when I'm reading.
There's no negativity in this room.
I read my cards here. I need serenity.
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| THIS IS WHERE I READ MY CARDS THIS IS ALL THIS TABLE IS USED FOR |
This is kind of like a note in a bottle. Maybe one day someone will find it and it can be a cautionary tale of the descent into madness or maybe the rise to salvation.
I would need some help for that and the cards haven't played out yet.
It's ridiculous I have to put things here to keep them safe but I know him and he wants to destroy any good memories I have of Marc. Can you imagine being jealous of a dead man ?
That's why I have to be so careful with Damaged People.
I won't let that bastard ruin it for me like he's done so many times before.
Especially now that I'm almost free of him.
Since we'll be selling the house I guess it's a good thing I'm getting some pictures. I've lived here for fifteen years.
It's the longest I've ever lived anywhere by a long shot.
I love this house but if the only way I can get out is to sell up cheers mate where do I sign.
For now some things will be safe here.
They may be gone by the time you read this and if they are it means I'm safe somewhere with a place of my own where I don't have to hide anymore.
You see for now if it's in my head he can't ruin it.
He can't help himself , it's just his way. But it doesn't mean I have to put up with it anymore.
Not much longer , I have patience , I garden.
You can't rush nature.
Cheers , Amelie
